Archive | January, 2010

The Echo Chamber

DoOneThingTodayThe other night I couldn’t sleep.  While this isn’t an uncommon occurrence, it was bothersome: something big was on my mind, something amorphous and seductive.  Call it meta-curiosity, but I got out of bed, threw on some clothes, unpacked my laptop, and sat waiting.

I’d read Seth Godin‘s compilation of What Matters Now (if you haven’t downloaded this free inspirational ebook, go and do so, then come back) earlier in the afternoon, picking it out of the mess of my Twitter feed.  I went through at a high-level, looking through the eighty-something pages of ideas for 2010.  And on first read, I thought to myself “Self, why aren’t you putting something like this together?  This is what you do best – what’s different about you?  Why haven’t you done this?  Why haven’t you written your manifesto?  GET TO IT!”

I put it aside for a few hours, roiling with discontent – and unfortunately taking it out on the sweet boyfriend.  He went to sleep and I laid there, listening to him breathe, asking myself what I needed.  What did I need to make it all happen, to calm that ambitious voice in my head?  Am I screwing around, or is what I’m doing the right path toward what I want to do?  What do I want?  How do I get that?  I know I’m not happy right now, but is it a necessary unhappiness to realize something later?  Why put off this happiness any longer?

Then I realized I’m in the echo chamber, caught in a crowd of voices parroting the same thing over and over, louder and louder, bouncing against nonporous walls.  And oh to countervail the crowd, even if faceless, nameless, and comprised of an unknown number.  I slipped out of bed, tiptoed into my office, and sat at my desk with my head in my hands.  What to do now.  What to do now.  What to do now to stop the voices all around me crowing of instant success while I languish in apathy.

Weeks passed before I found a true answer.

Simply to take it a day at a time and make one small step forward each day toward the motley grouping of goals.

I’ll keep you posted on progress.

Kitchen of Mine

Wanna know what things are like right now?

I'm in the weeds.
I’m in the weeds.

If there’s one thing I like – no, I love – about restaurants, it’s watching the line work.  Each person with their own station, intently focused, to create the best the team can do.  I’ve likened the kitchen (and restaurants as a whole) to pirate ships, among other metaphors and analogies, where all share in the glories, losses, and otherwise scalawag-esque doings, comings, and goings involved in the food service industry.

But right now, I’m in the weeds, a familiar term to those behind in their work.  There comes a surreal moment in the realization of work, both the moment you’re deep in the weeds and in the moment you’re in the clear.  What happens between?  Dali must have worked at the line of a restaurant as the clocks melt in the desert heat and all thought evaporates, other than getting through the faraway tasks in front of you.

And such is life right now: selling and marketing myself, my experiences, my thoughts and visions and inclinations. I can’t see the forest for the weeds.

And what it comes down to: I need a team in this little kitchen of mine.

Sunday’s Child is PUBLISHED!

Sunday's Child: Tales of Love, Loss & Redemption in a Texas Wine Bar
Sunday’s Child: Tales of Love, Loss & Redemption in a Texas Wine Bar

Glory be this fine Sunday morning – Sunday’s Child has hit the presses and is available in BOTH print AND electronic format through Lulu.com:

Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.

And when you’re done, let me know what you think!  I’ll be sure to get word back to the characters and provide updates from the wine bar on occasion.

Move, Moving, Moved.

I’ve moved.  I’ve also celebrated the holidays in high (and low) style, but really it’s the move I’m most bubbly about for 2010.

I’m still in Dallas, no worries, dear reader.  But now I grace the 20th floor of a downtown loft apartment, overlooking southwest Dallas, all the way down the horizon.  Brilliant sunshine all day, most especially between the hours of 3-6pm, a huge office with my monstrous desk and all my books around me – even thinking about it brings a small tear to my eye, one of joyful gratitude.  It’s shared with my lover, and for the first time, I feel stable and content.  I’ve also promised him at least one book in the coming year, something of a challenge and a thrill.

2010 will bring lots of changes, all of which I’m excited for.  Stay tuned for my resolutions (which I usually keep, except for the running one – I always say I’ll run at least 5 miles/week, something that I keep with, oh, about two or three weeks at a time) as well as updates on my current writing projects.